How to Get Honest Feedback When You're the Boss

Executive Summary

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Welcome back to The Kinetic Insight Newsletter. In our last edition we covered why feedback is crucial to developing deeper self-awareness as a leader.

Today we’ll cover:

1) How to actually get honest feedback, when you’re the boss

2) Crucial mistakes to avoid

What would you most enjoy learning about next? Hit reply and let me know, I read every message.

Thought Provoker / Re:Minder

Let’s face it—even if you’re the kindest boss in the world, from a direct report’s perspective: telling you something you don’t want to hear comes with an inherent risk.

We all want to believe we’re super open-minded and wanting to hear tough feedback. But going back to our previous edition on uncovering deeper self-awareness, what matters here is not just how you see yourself, but more importantly how you impact your team and how they see you.

The Stakes are High 🥩 

The higher up you go, the more resistant people becoming to sharing their unfiltered truth with you. And when you don’t know how your team really feels, they may be harboring resentments.

Without genuine feedback, you risk:

• Passive disengagement, or “quiet quitting,” where they say “yes” to your face but get by on the bare minimum.

• Active disengagement, where people talk poorly about you whenever you leave the room. A bad apple really can spoil the bunch.

• Missing out on opportunities for growth and improvement. As a subscriber of the Kinetic Insight Newsletter, I know that’s what you’re all about 😉 

You already know that accurate feedback is crucial to build trust, help you grow, and foster collective team performance…

So how do we find out the truth? 🧐 

The operative phrase here is “they think.” It doesn’t matter that, in your heart, you really do want feedback. What matters is that they fully believe that you want it—even the tough feedback.

Ultimately, you can’t control what other people think. But you can create the circumstances and conditions where it’s much more likely that they will think you actually want tough feedback.

Tactical Guide to Asking for Feedback Skillfully

1. Your professional relationship context. Your odds of success at getting honest feedback start the moment you meet someone. With every interaction, you’re building your reputation as a leader. If you consistently demonstrate openness, you’re going to receive much higher quality feedback.
   
   While there are still steps you can take in the moment, by far your biggest odds of success come from the foundation you’ve already laid.
   
   And, it’s never too late to start—you’re building tomorrow’s foundation, today.
   

2. Plant a seed. If you already have a trusted relationship with a team member, you might ask them (in private) to share a tough piece of feedback in public, for example in your next team meeting.
   
   Other people seeing you receive tough feedback, graciously, is the most impactful thing you could do to make it more likely the rest of the team will open up.
   

3. Make the request. This should go without saying, but asking for feedback is much more effective than waiting for it to show up. Make it a habit to check in with your key stakeholders on a regular basis.
   

4. Share your “why.” Why are you asking for feedback? When you make this explicit, it leaves less room for people to wonder about ulterior motives.
   
   Something as simple as “I’m really committed to my growth and development and know I need an outside perspective to improve” works wonders.
   

5. Inoculating. It’s likely some team members will feel hesitant to be fully honest with you. It can be helpful to name this and make it explicit.
   
   Say something like, “I know it can feel uncomfortable for some people to give tough feedback, especially to your boss. I want you to know that I really value your opinion, and I value your honesty over your comfort. I would appreciate you being brave and sharing something that might feel a bit edgy.”
   

6. Promise to receive it with grace. Actions speak louder than words, which is why we started with your relationship context and planting a seed. People are much more likely to believe you if you’ve demonstrated this in the past.
   
   That being said, it can be helpful to reassure them.
   

7. Be specific. “Is there anything I could do to improve?” is a fine start, but it can be hard to think of something in the moment.
   
   Try to choose a specific thing you already know you could get better at, and ask them for feedback on that.
   
   For example, “I know I tend to get derailed in our meetings. I’m curious if you’ve noticed that recently?” Or “I’ve gotten feedback in the past that I can be a bit harsh when we’re making a group decision, how do I come across to you?”
   

8. Ask for advice. For some people it can be easier to think of ways to improve, rather than telling you what you’re doing wrong. The more specific you are, the better responses you’ll get.
   

9. Work with a coach. After working with hundreds of CEO’s, founders, and corporate executives across industries, the feedback that I receive most often is that the 360 process is one of the most valuable parts of our engagement.
   
   An executive coach will often conduct confidential interviews with your key stakeholders to put together a candid report of your strengths and areas for improvement. Sometimes, especially for the feedback you really need to hear, it can be easier to tell it to a third party. If you’re curious about what your team really thinks of you, you can schedule your free coaching discovery session here.

So… What Are You Gonna Do About It? 🧐 

The most important part of feedback comes after you receive it. After thanking all of the people involved, it’s time to take action!

Enroll your team in your development process. Check in with them every so often.

“A while back you gave me feedback on X. I really took it to heart and have been focusing on Y. Have you noticed any improvement? What advice do you have for me to continue growing in this area?”

Sneak Peek 👀 

Next week, we’ll learn how to use this feedback to create a 5-Step CEO Leadership Development Plan (That Actually Works).

Want More?

Schedule your free discovery session here to see how executive coaching can take your skillset and mindset to the next level.